Your Man
by Orange Sherbet
Summary: All she wanted was a night out on the town. But, of course, nothing ever goes as planned when you have drunk S-Class ninjas trying to get in your pants...SakuAkatsuki.


**::**

**Your Man**

**::**

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO.**

**::**

_She looks lonely, _Itachi thought, staring at the adorable girl sitting all by her lonesome. The club was packed tonight, so it was odd to find someone here without friends.

Something inside him ached-_his heart? _Naw, couldn't be, he had no proof of having one. Itachi smirked, leaning a little to close to Kisame's ear for comfort.

"Who do you think she is?" He whispered into his partner's shark-like ear.

Kisame glanced across the dancefloor, to the near-empty table Itachi was pointing towards. He mimicked the smirk on his best friend's face.

"Dunno, do ya think leader would be mad if I went to find out?"

Itachi bristled, clearly upset in his own non-dramatic way. _He _had been the one to spot her, therefore _he _should have the honor of asking for her name.

"Why don't you go ask him yourself?"

"Ask me what?" Pein asked, sneaking up behind his Akatsuki lacky's. He quickly caught on to what they were staring at, and raised a disbelieving eyebrow at the pair. "I thought you two were dating?"

Kisame spit out his tonic, spraying it all over Itachi's deep red shirt.

"What the hell?" Kisame excaimed.

Pein chuckled, which creeped the two boys-_men_-out more then his former statement.

Deidara leaned halfway across the table, clearly smashed, and said "It's not like it's a secret, I mean, they make yaoi about you two. It's pretty sick, un."

Now it was Itachi's turn to spill his drink over someone.

Hidan watched the encounter with narrowed eyes. "What the fuck is yaoi?"

Deidara smirked drunkenly, slinging an arm over Hidan's broad shoulders. "You wanna demonstration?"

The next moment, Deidara found himself sprawled across the dancefloor, a huge gash in the middle of his stomach.

The girl who had currently held three Akatsuki member's attention until now shot up from her seat. She rushed past the dancing bodies and to Deidara's side.

"Are you alright?" She demanded.

Deidara watched her with half-hooded eyes. "A'ght?" He slurred.

The girl's expression changed from panic to determination in less then a second. "Shit. You're loosing blood. Okay, listen" She said, as the rest of Akatsuki watched her with impressed eyes. "My name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm a medic. I'm going to heal you, alright?"

Deidara nodded hazely, and she pressed a green chakra-infused hand to the cut on his mid-section.

"You're pretty," Deidara murmured as she finished up healing him. Sakura giggled at the compliment.

"You're not to bad yourself," She smiled.

Sakura finished healing his wound, and helped him back to his feet, only to have his slump back down and for her to have to throw him on the nearest table.

She stomped up to the group of men, who were unrecognizable without those unflattering cloaks, and pointed and manicured finger in Hidan's face.

"Did you think that was _funny?_" She fumed, poking his in the chest with a sharp-as-a-kunai nail. "You could have fucking _killed _him!"

She ranted on, but Hidan was top distracted by the way her red satin dress hugged her curves. And the way her long pink hair fell down her back in bouncy waves. He was about to inspect the thin view of cleavage her dress allowed, but at that moment, Pein decided to butt in.

"We're very sorry about your trouble, miss, but I assure you, that was not necessary."

Sakura narrowed her eyes and turned on him. "What? You don't care about your friend?"

Pein opened his mouth to retort, but she cut him off. "I mean, _really, _are you the leader of some evil organization ot something? Who _does _something like that!"

And then she stomped off to find her next victim. It was at that moment Deidara decided to wake up.

"Chick was hot." He stated, falling back into a leather chair.

Sasori raised his eyebrows. "That was Sakura Haruno; the girl who 'killed' me."

Pein gave him a questioning look. "And she didn't even notice?"

"She was drunk."

"Ah."

They sat in silence for a while, until Tobi came back from the bar and exclaimed "Who was that pretty lady? TOBI WANTS TO KNOW!"

"Shove it up your-"

"Hidan. Language."

"Yes, leader."

Kakuzu smirked behind his mask, a plan already forming in his mind as he watching Sakura grind to her own beat on the dancefloor. "Why don't we make a little bet?"

Instantly, nine heads snapped in his direction.

"What did you have in mind?" Zetsu asked, trying to seem bored with the entire ordeal.

"Well..." Kakuzu said slowy, just to torture them. "I was thinking that whoever could get that girl to go home with them-using _charm_, of course-would get to choose what missions they go on for the next year."

Pein considered this. "Hm... like it. May the best man win."

He walked off, towards Jashin-knows-where, and Deidara turned to Hidan. "I thought he was hooking up with Konan, un."

For the second time that night, Deidara found himself sprawled across the club floor.

.

.

.

.

"Hey pink bitch, you come here often?" Hidan asked, sliding into the seemingly empty seat next to Sakura. She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"_Excuse_ me?"

Hidan glared. Jashin knew he didn't like to repeat himself. "I said, pink bi-"

"I heard you the first time." Sakura coldly cut him off. He looked at her questioningly.

"Then why the fuck did you ask?"

Sakura wordlessly stood from her seat and walked away from Hidan. He, stupidly, followed after her.

"Hey! Where the hell are you going?" He demanded, grabbing hold of her elbow.

Sakura yanked her arm away from him. "Away from you!" She stomped away.

_She's pretty fucking strong for suck a midget..._

.

.

.

.

"Ugh! Why are boys so _stupid_?" Sakura questioned the empty-save for cars-parking lot. She plopped down on the cold cement sidewalked.

_Jeez, where are Naruto, Sai, and Sasuke when you need them? _She wondered. Sakura was supposed to meet team seven here an hour ago. But she had either gotten the address wrong (which she didn't doubt, as this seemed _nothing _like the extravogent restraunt Kakashi had described), or they ditched her to go do guy things.

Sakura shivered. She didn't want to think about what kind of 'things' they could be doing.

"Hello, Sakura. Long time no see." Sakura's head snapped towards the all-too-familiar voice. Upon sight of the supposedly dead Sasori of the Red Sand, her jaw dropped.

And no, it was _not _because he looked hotter then burnt maccaroni in dark skinny's and a band T-shirt.

"You're not dead," She said stupidly, pointing at the place where his heart should be. She poked him.

Sasori chuckled. "No, I am not dead. In fact," He caught the hand poking his shirt and held it to his lips, "Thanks to your little stunt with my puppet bodies, I'm _completely _human."

He leaned closer, caging her against the cool brick wall. The contact sent shivers down her bare back, and Sakura realized the gravity of this situation.

_Oh, shit. He's gonna kill me! He want payback! He-_

Sasori leveled his lips with her ear. "Why don't we go somewhere more..._private _and talk about this, eh, _Sakura_?"

The use of her first name caught Sakura off guard. She nodded numbly and let him lead her to a cherry red Porsche.

Sakura whistled. "Damn,"

"I know," Sasori said smugly. He gazed at her as she ran her hands over the flawless paint job. Was this really the same girl who had fought and defeated him? She certainly didn't look like it, but then, that was nearly a year ago. She must have matured since then.

"Sasori? Why did you turn yourself into a puppet?" She asked suddenly, surprising him.

He thought about the question for a moment. Girl's liked humor, did they not?

"You see, I had a Peter Pan fetish when I was younger..." He trailed off, letting her drunk mind fill in the blank.

Sakura burst out laughing, and Sasori smirked victoriously. "Come on," He ushered her into the car.

Once both doors were firmly locked, Sakura wondered why the hell she had followed an S-class criminal into his pretty Porsche.

_**Little too late for that, sweetheart. **_

___Shut up._

"Oh, shit," Sakura accidentally said outloud. Her cheeks flushed red, and she turned to see Sasori leaning towards her, their faces only an inch apart.

"Sakura...you're..._different_." He murmured, knotting his hands in her hair.

_Dammit, it took me forever to do this..._

And then suddenly his lips swept hers, lightly, teasingly. A hand released some of her pink tresses and climbed up her thigh. He kissed along her neck, her jaw, until...

"I missed you too,"

The words where whispered against her lips, and suddenly, his mouth was on hers, his tongue battling for dominance.

Sakura shut her eyes tight, willing herself not to get drawn into the kiss. She pushed him away with a little more force then necessary.

"I-er, yeah..." she trailed off, not meeting his intense gaze. "I'm just gonna let myself out,"

But the door was locked, and it really was too nice a car to ruin...

Sakura glared at the smug man across from her. "Let. Me. Out."

He raised an eyebrow. "Is that really any way to talk to your elders?"

"Fine." Sakura gritted out. She changed her expression to one of fake pep, "Let me out, or I'll smash this car into cute little itty bitty pieces!" She said cheerily.

_Bastard has three seconds. _

"Excuse me?" Sasori mimicked her earlier words.

_One,_

"You heard me."

Sasori smirked and slid Sakura onto his lap with flattering ease. "Oh, really?"

_Two,_

"You know, for someone so arrogant, you're kind of like a rapist." She observed.

He simply continued trailing kisses down her neck, as Sakura carefully planed out his Mary Sue Car's doom.

_Three. _

.

.

.

.

Kisame turned to his partner in crime. "Did you hear something?"

"Like what?" Itachi questioned, keeping an eye on the dancefloor in case a flash of pink dashed by.

"Like, I dunno, a huge boom and some clinking metal." Kisame said irritably, angry that the so-called-prodigy next to him hadn't heard what caused most clubbers to stop grinding.

.

.

.

.

Sakura wondered back into the club, revealing in the look that was on Sasori's face.

_Serves that bastard right. _

_**Damn straight. We wear the pants!**_

__"Excuse me," A man grabbed Sakura's shoulder, and she looked into a pair of strange purple eyes. "But I think you just stole my heart."

Sakura grinned at the chessy line. "Nice try, but I'm not drunk enough to fall for that. What's your name?"

The sexy stranger raised an eyebrow at her. "It's proper to give your own name before asking for another's."

Sakura blushed at her own rudeness. She needed to stop hanging around Naruto so much. "Yeah, well..." And Kakashi. "It's Sakura Haruno."

The stranger looked amused. "Pein. Pleasure to meet you. miss Haruno." He placed a light kiss on the back of her hand, and, Sakura couldn't help it, she swooned.

Pein grinned, unconsciously leading her onto the dance floor. "So, Sakura, do you come here often?"

She laughed, and Pein send her a questioning glance. "I'm sorry, it's just that someone ask me that earlier, but he was very..._brusque?" _

"I see," he nodded. A slow song came on, and Pein placed his large hands on her hips.

_**You know what they say about guys with large hands...**_

__Sakura blushed, by luckily Pein just dismissed it as a reaction from their close contact. The pair glided across the dancefloor in silence for a while, until Pein decided it was time to get a move on. After all, he was sure he would be the one to win this bet.

"Would you like to come home with me?" He asked bluntly. Sakura stopped dancing, causing him to collide with her. She fell face first into Pein's chest.

"I take that as a yes?" He smirked.

"Uh, _no_," Sakura fumed, taking a step away from him. "I think I'd rather just go home. To _my _house."

She started to walk away, but someone grabbed her hand and spun her around in a circle. Sakura looked up into the familiar eyes of Itachi Uchiha, looking too smexy for words in a red shirt and black jeans.

"May I have this dance?" He asked in come-rape-me-now voice. Sakura blushed and nodded, too tongue tied to speak.

"It's been a while, Sakura-chan." He started conversationaly.

"Yes, I do believe the last time we met, you were trying to suck out my friend Naruto's soul or whatever." she said dryly.

Sakura couldn've expected him to do a lot of things, hell, he could've even pulled a Sasuke and 'hn'd' at her. But no, nothing was more surprising then the sound of Itachi Uchiha _laughing. _

"You're a funny girl, Sakura-chan," He whispered in her ear.

"Uh..." Sakura trailed off intelligibly. "OMIGOSHILUVTHISSONG!" She shouted awkwardly.

"Good. Then let's dance to it." Itachi said, yanking her away from wherever it was she was running and back against his chest.

"Sakura. Why are you so tense?" He asked softly, wrapping a comforting arm around her waist.

Sakura didn't know how to respond, so she just let him guide her feet across the floor. It wasn't until the song was over that she tought of a valid reason not to dance with him.

"I'm thirsty,"

Itachi smirked. "Already on it."

A waiter appeared in front of them with a tray of drinks in his hand, which Sakura found odd, because this place didn't have waiters, as far as she knew.

They sat down at Sakura's abandoned table and drank the martinis. The sober part of her mind told Sakura not to drink strange things from strange men, but the drunk side told the sober side to stfu if it wanted to get laid.

Which it didn't, of course, because Sakura was a good girl.

But nevertheless, she downed the entire thing, and then ordered another. Even if the rest of her team wasn't here, Sakura was going to have a good time without them.

.

.

.

.

"SWIM FISHY SWIM!" Tobi shouted, shoving Kisame's face into the club's very large fish tank.

"Can't...breath..." Kisame spat, trying to tug the hyper Akatsuki member off them. Getting Tobi drunk was definately not a good idea.

"What are you idiots doing?" Itachi asked, coming up behind his drowning partner and Tobi.

"Tobi is teaching Kisame how to swim with the fishies!"

"He'll be swimming with the fishes, all right..." Itachi mumbled, pulling Tobi off the shark-man and dragging them both to their feet.

"So listen," He started in a voice that very much said _We're fucking screwed. _"I was sitting and drinking with Sakura, and I turned away for a second to order us more drinks, she was gone-"

"So? Maybe you're not her type."

"Yes, because I'm sure that crush she used to have on my little brother counts for nothing. Anyway, I think t might have been Hidan. He's been looking at her like one of his sacrifices all night.

Kisame sprang to his feet. "_What?" _

.

.

.

.

"Do you like tentacles?" The man who had swept her away from Itachi in no less then a heartbeat asked her. Sakura couldn't grasp what it was that made all these strange men gravitate towards her.

_ Maybe it's the hair..._

"Um..." Sakura trailed off, looking at him strangely.

"No matter," The man dismissed her confusion. "I just drugged your drink while you weren't paying attention."

Sakura gaped at him, before looking down at her glass and dropping it like it was infected. "RAPE!"

Kakuzu snorted. "It's not rape if you enjoy it."

Still, she continued screaming, making most of the clubbers turn towards them curiously.

"Quite making a scene." Kakuzu warned her. He slid a tentacle out to grab her arm, but she dodged and ran face-first into an unfortunately familiar chest.

"We meet again, pink bitch," Hidan chuckled.

Sakura glared daggers at him. "I hate you,"

His chuckling turnef into snickers. "That's fucking hot."

Sakura pushed passed him-pausing only to kick him in his jewels for grabbing her ass-and back into the sea of confused people.

There, she found none other then Deidara, who was still lying on the table he had passed out on.

"Hey there," He smiled lazily at her, and Sakura thought it must have been the most refreshing thing she'd seen all night.

"Hey yourself," She plopped down into the seat next to him. Deidara studied her, deciding that tonight was not either of their night's.

"Do you want to catch a cab home together?" He offered, and Sakura looked at him as if he were her guardian angel.

"Yes. Please. Thank you." She said quickly, as if afraid he might take back the words. They made their way out of the club, leaving dumbfounded akatsuki members in their midst.

"What. The. Fuck?" Hidan questioned, just as Itachi, Kisame, and Tobi wandered back over to the group.

"Where did Sakura go?" Itachi demanded.

Hidan shrugged, mumbled something about polishing his scyth, and wandered away from his teammates. Kakuzu followed shortly after explaining to the others that Sakura was going hom with Deidara.

Itachi just stood there, dumbfounded, until Sasuke and Naruto burst into the club, causing fangirls all across the world to scream in glee.

"YOU BASTARD, WHAT DID YOU DO WITH OUR SAKURA-CHAN?"

.

.

.

.

"Ugh, I hate mornings..." Sakura muttered as she stumbled out of bed that morning. But wait-something was off. Why couldn't she remeber what happened last night? And since when did her room have a mini fridge and a menu labeled 'Room Service?'

"Me neither, un," The figure on the other side of the hotel bed yawned. He stretched his arms out in front of him and peered at Sakura with sky blue eyes.

It was then that she realized she was naked.

And wearing an Akatsuki ring on her four finger.

And fucking _naked. _

Normally, Sakura would've screamed. But instead, she tood one look at the man across from her, and decided that he was just as much a victim as she was, Akatsuki or not.

"So...how do you wanna fix this?" She asked timidly, covering as much of her body as she could with her bare arms.

Deidara-she just remebered his name-looked at her strangly. "You know...we could just leave everything as it is." He suggested.

For the first time that morning, Sakura grinned. "What happens in Vegas,"

"Stays in Vegas," He finished.

Deidara raised a suggestive eyebrow. "I hear they have great showers here,"

"Well, then," Sakura smirked. "Let's go test them out."

.

.

.

.

The End


End file.
